The last straw...

Ever been pushed to the edge of what you are capable of handling? Ever been so close to that precipice that if you shift just a fraction of an inch you fall with out warning and spiral into what seems like a never ending cycle of everything bad? Yeah the month of January was that way for me.
I have a lot of friends that are all really close to each other, but as high school goes, drama becomes a part of everything anybody does, and it somehow found a way to weasel into my friendships. I have had to be between 7 different friends. I was the one they came to when they needed help, and they all came to me when they all ended up having problems with each other also. I was so happy that they came to me. I was happy that they knew that they could trust me, and I like helping my friends, but it got a point where the problems were the only things that mattered. I was in turn ignoring some of my own pressing matters, and it got so bad that I pushed myself to the edge.
It was on the 31st that I finally let it all go. I let out all of that stress and all that had built up, I cried and all that I wanted to do was stay home for ever and never do anything again. It taxed me mentally and physically. I didn't know if I could go on anymore, but then I learned an important lesson. I am not alone, and I never was alone the entire month of January even though I thought that I was. I just didn't turn to my Savior. He was waiting the whole time for me to realize that he was there and was willing to take all that I was feeling if I just gave it to him. It has taken me all month to realize this, but I know now that he cares for sure. He wants to help you with all if the things that seem too frivolous to bother Him with, but nothing is too small OR too big. He loves us. I know this. Turn to Him and he will help you in any situation.

Way I see it

The way people view things is always going to be different than yours. The way my mom may look at something is going to be totally different they what my little brother sees. It can be difficult trying to get along in life being hindered by that, but that is what is good about having different opinions or looking at things differently. You don't want to look at a flower just see a rose like someone else may. You want to look at it and see love, passion, fire, ect things that come to your mind when you see a rose or a puppy or anything else.

I hate trying to tell someone something you felt when you know no one else is going to have the same reaction to that certain thing, but when you really think about it, do you really want to have that feeling that meant so much to you being as popular as wearing socks with shoes?? No, I wouldn't. If something was that special to me, I would want to keep it to myself and never let anyone feel that feeling. It wouldn't be unique and it would make things way common and too much the same. Difference is good.

I also think that change is really important for us to see as a good thing. I have a friend that seriously can not take change. It takes him sooo long to realize that it is ok, change is good for you. The most consistent thing in the world is change. Isn't that so true? There is ever going to be change in the world, it is bound to happen. Letting your mind change and your heart change sometimes is a good thing. If you need to let go of something, you can change your mind and heart and say I am changing this, I need something new. I recently did that by changing my hair style and color.:) It was great to look in the mirror and see a new me.

The way I see the world is ten times different than how anybody else sees it. I like the way I see it. You are going to have people in your life that try to beat you down and make you see the world in the way they see it, but no can do with me. It is my life and the way I look at things can be different.

Any way that was just a bunch of rambling, but I needed to get all of this off my mind :)

Woohoo!!

I got a laptop for Christmas and I sm totally stoked!!!!!

O.O

Wow I was just looking at some prom dresses, and they all cost 250 or more!!! WOW!! How on earth am I ever going to be able to pay 400 bucks for a dress for one night? hehe I will find a way. :D They were all really pretty though! Maybe I can talk my dad into getting me one :)

So basically, I am obbsessed with the weirdest things...

I absolutely LOVE Criminal Minds! I love the premise and everything about it! I have watched the entire first season, and can't wait till I get the 2nd one on DVD. My favorite characters on the show are, well, all of them!!! I really like Dr. Spencer Ried tho :D! I think that he is such a cutie ;) Can you tell that I am a nerd? lol

I really like Garcia too. She is so hilarious!

Alright I am done ranting about it now :).

On completely different note, on Monday, one of my most favorite teachers passed away in a really weird freak accident. I will miss him so much. He was one of the most influential people in my life, and I will never forget him. His funeral was today, and it was SO packed that is was hard to find room to sit down. We had the entire placed packed.

He was a beloved coach, teacher, and mentor. I loved being in track and P.E. with him. He is in a better place and I know that the memory of him will live on forever. Thanks coach. Thanks so much.

GASP!!!!!!!!

Trying to.... breathe.... gasp.... (pulls self back into the worlding of the living and non-stressed) Whoa! *cough cough* It was been SO long since I have said anything again! Life has dragged me undr with all of the school fianls I have going on, and I have been more than just a little stressed. But things are going pretty well considering I only have about 13 days left of school :D :D :D YEAH!

Update about the 7th baby in the fam! It is a BOY!!! Yep 6 boys one girl!! It will be fun tho!

I will try to be arund more often! Life will get REALLY crazy during the summer.... goodness!

Whoa...

What a long couple of weeks it has been! I have offically finished my research paper on serial killers, and now can sleep easier ;). Most nights writing the paper scared me out of my wits, and made me happy that I know karate. teehee! I do have to apologize to everyone for being away for so long. I am back now, or for how ever long my life allows me to be. School is going great, and I am likeing that way it has been going the past couple of weeks. I got a 4.0 GPA on my 2nd term grades!! Woot woot! So far I have a 3.95 (one -A!! One!!) and a 4.0! Makes me happy.

I will be leaving for state Basketball soon! I am really excited! I am playing in the pep band (hahah yeah I know that I am a nerd :D At least I can say that I play percussion)I am so excited!!! It is going to be a blast!!

Well nothing much else is going on in my life execpt for the fact that my mom is preggers with the 7th and final memebr of our extention of the Jefferies Family!! We are excited and hoping that this last one might be the girl that my mom and I have waited for for at least 15-16 years!

Any way, I will post again soon!